#9 // Fernandes → Cheryshev Russia 2 – 0 Egypt


“I didn’t know Russia had guys named Fernandes,” you think, checking Wikipedia for the details.

Mario Figueira Fernandes is a Brazilian-Russian professional footballer. 


So that’s how Russia has been doing it.



The Russia investigation has concluded, folks, and we now at least know one thing to be true: they hacked the 2018 World Cup.

It’s as clear as day.

And how does one go about doing that?

Step 1: Get a Brazilian player

Step 2: ?

Step 3: Profit



He’s not Russian in his roots, but recently acquired citizenship after having come there to play for CSKA Moscow in 2012. AKA they imported him many years ago to play the citizenship long game for this 2018 Russia World Cup.

So far, it’s working.

They’ve scored the most goals out of any team. Winning 5-0 in the opening game, beating Egypt 3-1 today.

With their new man, Mario Fernandes, cutting sharply from midfield toward the end-line, getting the ball at his feet with his back to the goal…

And a world-class body feint, turn, and delivery toward the penalty spot for a one-touch finish from Cheryshev, his third goal of the tournament.



So maybe Brazil should take a note from the Russian playbook.

That if you want to win in the World Cup, you get yourself some Brazilian players. Get yourself some Mario Fernandes. Don’t let him go.

Because Brazil settled for a tie in their first game with Switzerland.

And Russia just advanced out of the groups.


Did Russia just out-Brazil Brazil?